Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I am flying on a plane on Saturday. Since I've had kids, I've only flew with my kids. Since I've had Jack, I've only been away from them for the length of one night. Pete and the kids are staying home so here is where my fear is intensified. I'll be gone for 5 nights.(Bethany, don't read this part since you're flying with me) I'm nervous to fly and leave my family behind. What if something happens and I don't make it back? When deciding to go on this trip I actually struggled with it. I want to live my life. I want to go places . Why do I feel selfish? I have such Momma guilt. I have been having major anxiety all week.
My fear is that I'll miss so much. Watching them splash each other in the bathtub. The laughter, the hugs, the giggles. The big things, getting on the school bus for the first time. Taking a picture of them with their first deer. Helping them order corsages for prom dates. Graduating high school & college. Sharing the mother-son dance at their weddings.
I've told Pete the important things before my trip. No, not anything about finances. I've told him the password to the snapfish account, where I store the thousands of photos I've taken. How to print out the blog so, the kids can read what we've done this year. Where I uploaded the videos from my iPhone so that the boys can still watch them! What traditions I want to make sure the boys grow up with. He thinks I am nuts to be even having these discussions with him but these are things that are important to me.